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In a
great breakthrough in the war on Feminist lies and half-truths,
the Hutt/ Kapiti District of the New Zealand Police
Managers' Guild Trust published (in October 2001) a 56-page booklet on
Family Violence which included a section on violence against men !
Previously, the Police Managers' Guild had taken the standard male-bashing
line on Domestic Violence, as I show in my book, "Sex,
Lies & Feminism", where I state:
'an advertisement, entitled "Family Violence is a crime," and authorised
by Brian Hartley, President of the Police Managers' Guild, appeared
in a daily newspaper. The advertisement mentioned only women and children
victims of this crime, and omitted any mention of the possibility that
men could also be victims of Family Violence. Not only is this a sexist
advertisement in its own right, but it is also frightening testimony
to how little chance men have of being treated fairly by the Justice
system as far as Domestic/Family Violence is concerned.'
Now, the approach seems to have changed markedly, as can be seen:
Victims Not Just Women and Children
(Excerpt from Family Violence: "don't let your child be a victim",
New Zealand Police Managers' Guild Trust, October 2001)
"Violence inflicted on men by women? It's an often untold story.
Men sometimes feel as if they can't talk about it when it happens
and they can feel helpless to do anything because it might not be
believed. However, an increasing number of New Zealand males, some
represented by an increasingly vocal network of men's groups, insist
that men get abused in relationships, too. They demand that society
acknowledge violence against them by the women in their lives.
Indeed, the Domestic Violence Act, 1995, gives them the same protection
that it does women. Men can swear an affidavit and they can apply
for a protection order against a violent partner. Female violence,
like abuse by males, is also controlling. It causes physical, sexual
or psychological damage or causes a man to live in fear.
Physical and sexual violence are the most obvious forms of assault.
Pushing, biting, hitting, punching and using a weapon are all forms
of violence. Forcing someone to participate in sex is violence.
Threats are a form of violence. Other forms of violence used by
women include:
- unsafe driving; destroying possessions;
- insulting or humiliating him publicly;
- lying;
- making him think he's crazy or stupid;
- controlling his money;
- isolating him from friends or family;
- hurting children or pets;
- blackmail;
- treating him like a servant;
- threatening murder or suicide; drugging him;
- threatening to betray secrets in front of employers or family;
- creating a sense of impending punishment.
Men often say these are the most insidious forms of violence
and abuse because they are difficult to explain and are often regarded
as "ordinary relationship problems"
If you have been in a violent relationship you might have some
of the following feelings:
- afraid to tell anyone, depressed or humiliated;
- afraid you have failed as a lover;
- furious that she could do or say what she did;
- confused because sometimes she is loving and kind;
- guilty about leaving her or scared of coping alone;
- frustrated and sad because you tried everything;
- afraid of continued violence if you leave;
- panicked that you might lose your male identity outside a relationship;
- worried abour your financial security;
- made to believe that you deserved it.
It might be helpful to look at some of the ways you've coped
until now:
- you have been careful about what you say, when you say things and
how you say them;
- you have tried to talk to her about her stress, drug use or moods;
- you have given up doing anything likely to upset her;
- you adapt your behaviour to what she says she wants;
- you tried to make agreements or set boundaries.
Men should never think their partner's violence is their fault.
Just as men make a choice to be violent against their partners,
and maybe the children in the relationship, so do women. She chooses
whether she will slap a man's face because he said something she
didn't like. She chooses whether she will lash out and scream
at the family because she is feeling unwell.
If men's violence against women is unacceptable and without excuse,
shouldn't women's be? All violence has damaging consequences. A
man's belief in his worth and his sense of having rights and choices
becomes eroded by constant abuse. There are many common beliefs
about why women choose to be violent: "she had a sad or traumatic
childhood", "she drinks or uses drugs", "she has trouble expressing
her feelings", "she is oppressed as a woman , she can't control
her anger", "something about you drives her to violence".
These are excuses. We all experience stress, trauma, anger and
fear, hut a violent woman chooses to use violence to control and
get her own way just as a violent man does. "I never believed she'd
abuse me." Many men don't realise that a woman's violent behaviour
to them is domestic violence. They might not have believed until
recently that women's behaviour, such as described above, could
be called violent. If a man feels scared and unsafe in his partner's
presence something is wrong. He is the best judge of how safe he
is.
Some men simply don't want to admit that they are afraid of their
partner - somehow it doesn't seem "manly" for a Kiwi bloke to admit
that he lives with someone who is violent to him. Police officers
acknowledge that men probably don't report violence when they otherwise
could.
How to help
People can help by:
- supporting the right of all couples to live safely;
- becoming informed about violence within relationships;
- passing comment if you witness behaviour you believe is abusive
or violent;
- listening to, believing, and supporting a man who confides in you;
- ask "how can I help?" or "what can you do to make yourself safer?"'
How to order more free copies...
To order more copies of this Hutt/Kapiti Police District
Family Violence prevention publication simply fill out your details
on this form and fax or post to Line 2 Line Concepts Ltd.
Or you can download a copy free from the internet
from: http;//www.pmgt.org.nz
Published by Line 2 Line Concepts Ltd.
PO. Box 11 638, Wellington.
Fax 04-801 0841 Tel 04-801 0840
Email: l-2-l@line2line.co.nz
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No. of copies:
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